advice · black men · black women · blogger · blogging · confidence · exercise · i am enough · low confidence · low self-esteem · self-esteem · you are enough

How I gained my confidence and self-esteem back

If I am being completely honest growing up as a teenager I never experienced low self- esteem or any body confidence issues. I even try to think of a time where I felt insecure about my looks but I do not remember any instances. I think had a lot to do with my mum, she always told me I was beautiful and everything in the world suited me. My mum has this confidence that no one can tell her nothing she’s beautiful and she knows it and she still has this same attitude till this day. 

Do not get it twisted though I was bullied, I was called jawback because of my forehead, big eyes, ugly and so on but it never affected me. I would look at them and just ignore them because I knew looks was not everything. 

The first time I had experienced low self esteem was when I was 21, I was going through a lot of things emotionally but these were emotions I had never experienced and I did not know what to with them. I deleted my instagram account because I realised I was comparing myself to a lot of other black women on instagram. I had been natural and doing these times not many women were so I saw on my explore page women with weaves and make up got all the attention and there was no one that looked like me. 

After a few years, some counselling sessions, writing positive affirmations about myself everyday, looking in the mirror telling myself I loved me (I know it sounds cliche but it was helping) and going to the gym (mainly for my mental health) I started to feel like Vanessa again. 

(I used to sit in my towel on my bed after having a shower and just ask myself when will I be me again? When can I go out the house and not hate myself)

Here are a few ways that helped me (some of these may help, some may not but I can only give advice on what helped me and share in the hopes of helping someone else)

Write positive affirmations
  • Write a list of things you like about you and if you can’t think of any ask a friend or family member. Im sure they will be happy to tell you why you’re amazing.


  • I know this sounds cliche but honestly going to the gym helped me mentally, I wasn’t going to lose weight or anything but I like the way it made me feel mentally. Even if it is going for a walk to clear your mind, also you do not have to go alone ask someone to come with if you have someone to go with. I had a gym partner so it was helpful because I didn’t want to let her down when it was time to go after work. 
Do not care what anyone thinks of you

  • I think this is one of the hardest things to do but it really does help when you live your life not caring what anyone thinks but take it day by day. It’s taking little steps for example, wearing an outfit you’ve always wanted to wear but was to scared because you think people will laugh, the thought process is some may laugh and some may love it but as long as you like it then who cares? Who dresses for anyone but themselves? 

Be around people that will love you for you

  • Choose your circle wisely! Be around those that can uplift and inspire. Those that know you, so when you’re down they know what to say or do to make you feel better. Those that know your worth and potential

I hope some of these tips will help you like it did with me. 

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